Keeping Peach In HER Keep

Hi there! Are you tired of over grown lizards stealing your princess? Kicked down too many castle doors and told your princess is in another castle? You need to call us, the MKS (Mushroom Kingdom Security)! Call now on 1800-123-MKS and quote the code ‘Princess’ to get 20% off our Protected Princess package. This package includes all the premium gear you’ll ever need to keep your damsel in distress, just a damsel. The following features will be provided and installed by yours truly:

  1. Warp Pipes: With these green beauties that pesky Bowser won’t get too far with your beloved. We install a hub room in the confines of your castle that is JAM-PACKED with warp pipes to across the land. Now when Bowser and your ravishing maiden are half way to his fiery castle, you just hop in a warp pipe for the end of World 7 and wait for the blundering fool to appear. Quick, efficient, and you and your highness will be back in the throne room before Luigi even notices.
  2. Power Up Pack x 10: You ever been up a creak without a frog suit before? Not any more! With our patented Power Up Pack’s that Super Mushroom is just tap away. In our PP package you don’t just get 1 of these, nor 5 but 10! You read that right, I said, 10! Before you set off for your rescue mission, slap one of these to your plumbers belt. Then, when that annoying red shell as taken away your power up, just slap the  PP pack and BOOM! An explosion of upgrades will burst forth in front of you. Super Mushroom, Fire Flower, Super Star, Tanooki Suit, Penguin Suit, Cat Suit and more. We’ve got them all. Even the ones that weren’t in your World till now, we scoured the Mushroom Kingdom so you don’t have to.
  3. Chomps: The best offence is the best defence. And here at MKS we do offer the very best of both. Now tell me if this rings a bell. You go to rescue your silken haired beloved but before your very eyes, is a raging black ball of teeth that’d tear you up faster than a Wiggler unwrapping Christmas day’s 8 pair pack of socks, from Grandma Wiggler. The only thing keeping this untamed sphere of fury off your face is the chain that secures it. Now what if we flipped the script on that Godzilla wannabe and fight fire with even hotter fire. Buy our pack today and we’ll place a Chain Chomp in each of your strongholds rooms. But we don’t stop there. We place a Chain Chomp to cover every 10 metres of your buildings exterior. We supply you with the biggest deterrent of the Mushroom Kingdom for your own home. Now you may be thinking ‘MKS are you crazy!? Why would I want these vicious atrocities in every room of my stronghold?’. No need to fret, friend. We hand raise these Chain Chomp’s ourselves in a secure location in The Forest of Illusion. These boys don’t bite the hand that feeds them and you’ll be surprised at how loyal they can be. Heck, you can even get rid of the Chain and just have your own personally Chomp rolling around your room. Your own personal guard Chomp.
  4. Toad Camp: Now we’re being too kind. Do you ever wish you could have some help with protecting your Princess. That lanky brother of yours always crying about ghosts and cowering with fear when that repugnant, reptile face shows up. You wish those Toads would step up and stop telling you to go save the Princess. Wish they would do it themselves? Me too, friend. That’s why we offer to take your castle’s Toads for a vigorous, strenuous and absolutely stupendous 2 month training exercise. This 60 day course will push your Toads to the limit. Strength, speed and jumping will be improved like you wouldn’t believe. Turning your Toads from a bunch of Fun-guys to Toad-al beefcakes.
  5. Star Juice Vial x 15: Marioooooooooo! She shouts, as Bowser snatches her away in his ugly, dulled claws. With our PP pack this will be a thing of the past. And if that sneaky reptile does manage to grab your princess on a social outing somehow. Possibly when playing tennis or go-karting. Your royal leader will be fully prepared. Our Star Juice is 100% freshly squeezed and organic. We only use the brightest and shiniest Super Star’s. We condense that energy into a little vial that comes with a necklace that is personally tailored for your fair lady. When Bowser grabs the soon to be queen, she pops the vial from her necklace and drinks the Star Juice. The beat down that Bowser will receive will be like none before. He’ll think twice before trying to turn your princess into a helpless captive. Girl Power!

If this all sounds too good to be true then pinch yourself and see if you’re dreaming. I’ll let in you in on a little secret. You’re not. For just 999 coins this bargain can be yours. Call now on 1800-123-MKS and quote ‘Princess’ for your exclusive saving. Put up and your feet and let us do the rest.

MKS- Securing the Mushroom Kingdom, so you don’t have to.


MKS isn’t liable for any damages to you, your princess or your castle if our packages are used inappropriately. It is not advised to release your Chain Chomps from their chains unless you individually, have received the full Chain Chomp release training provided by the MK Government. MKS is not liable to pay for any injuries sustained at the Toad Camp or Toad misplacement. All our products have been tested and approved by the MK Regulations Act of 1976. MKS is a Mushroom Kingdom sanctioned public trading company and is fully covered by the MK Trading Standard Act of 1984.    

Just A Quick Go: SNES Mini

As a 90’s child, I grew up with the Super Nintendo. One of my first ever memories is sat in front of our old CRT TV playing Donkey Kong Country. An ice level actually, I was struggling on this particular level and played it so much I can still remember the level’s song. When, the NES Mini was announced I didn’t buy one. Not because I didn’t think it was worth it, but because it wasn’t nostalgic for me. The SNES was my first console and possibly my favourite console to date. There may be some bias there as it is my first system but the staggeringly good line up speaks for itself. The SNES had an over-abundance of titles that to this day hold up and was the birth place of many of gaming’s greatest iterations. And so when they announced the SNES Mini, I had to get one.

I’ve only played it for about 4 hours and haven’t touched some of the games yet. This is just my take away from my brief re-introduction to some classics. The SNES Mini itself: cute as. I didn’t realise it is this small. The SNES controller itself is wider than the SNES. The dinky console comes with two controllers, the system, a USB cable and a HDMI cable. It’s deceptively small and comes with 21 games built into the system.  I think, the console looks the part, the resemblance is striking. It even has the fake controller entry points that the SNES had back in the day. Now with this new version, that is a plastic guard which you pull to reveal the real plug sockets. The controllers themselves feel lighter than I remember but that could just be an age thing. An issue I have at the minute are the length of the wires for the controllers. They’re short. Not as short as the NES Mini so I’ve read. But still, wires are dirt cheap these days. Nintendo could have shelled out for another 3 foot, no problem. There are remedies if this is an issue for you. I’ve bought some extensions which basically attach to the controllers wire length and increases that to a more comfortable length. The controllers now reach 10 feet which is couch length with some slack, which suits me more. A simple fix but a fix that shouldn’t need to exist.

On the subject of the controllers. An extra button or two would have gone a long way to increase enjoyment of the system. Nintendo has a newly added rewind feature on the system. A feature which is greatly appreciated. I’ve forgotten how hard and unforgiving some of these games are. Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, I can’t even beat the first level any more. The rewind feature goes a long way to help alleviate frustration but the rewind button is on the console itself. There is no way to implement the rewind unless you go over to the console and hit the reset button. This then takes you to the main screen, with all the games to select and the option to use a save slot, to save your progress or rewind to seconds or minutes earlier, depending on the game. I know Nintendo are going for a true to classic look but an extra button on the SNES controller called ‘Rewind’ wouldn’t hurt. The controller isn’t cluttered, it has room for it. The rewind is a great feature that requires too much effort to use. And that might sound like I’m being lazy but I tend to play my games to unwind, so lying on the couch comfortably is my preferred style. I don’t want to have to be sat right next to the console or to get up every time I want to use the save state or rewind. Another issue I have and I might be stupid for not seeing why this couldn’t have happened. Is, I don’t understand why the SNES Mini can’t work on a computer or laptop screen. I tested it out on my laptop and nothing loads up. I’m not too tech savvy, but I’d imagine that would have been quite simple to implement.

And with that, my nit picking is done. I have issues with the system but it plays the games I want it to play and, it’s retro and nostalgic for me. The list of games are fantastic. A lot of these games I haven’t played yet either because I wasn’t aware of the series at the time, or just because I had limited money and had to make choices over other games. Donkey Kong Country, Super Mario World, Street Fighter 2, Star Fox and Super Mario Kart are the only games from the list that I actually owned. A few of the others I’ve touched over the years but never at length. I love the Zelda series but only got into Zelda when Ocarina of Time came out. Before that I wasn’t aware of the series and so to have A Link to the Past included is a real treat. Many call it the best Zelda game and I am so looking forward to finding out why people say that. Super Metroid is the same as Zelda, great praise but I never tried it. Fusion and Metroid Prime were my first introductions and I love both those. It comes with 4 RPG’s that I’ve never played more than 3 hours of. Earthbound I’ve never touched and so am excited to try that.

Contra 3 was the first game I played when I switched on the system. The Konami logo popped up and memories came flooding back to me. I rented this game when I was young and don’t think I got very far but definitely further than I got today. This game is tough! I’m amazed at how much persistence I had as a kid. You forget how merciless these games are. After losing all 5 lives on the first level I walked away dishevelled and feeling old. Are my reflexes slower these days? Or is it because when you’re younger, when you get a game, that is your game for ages. I would make games last because I had so few. Super Mario World I cleared several times, Star Road and all. When I loaded it up today, I was killed by the first enemy. I’m embarrassed by that but not ashamed to admit it. Trying to jump that Beach Koopa I completely forgot the physics and momentum of the game and landed right in front of it. And I’m happy about that. I can remember the sound effects, the layouts, the music but the actual feel of the game is rusty in my fingertips.  The thought of playing something loved, familiar but forgotten too is what I wanted when I ordered the SNES Mini. It’s as I remember it, nothings changed except me. Nothing highlights that for me more, than Donkey Kong Country.

Starting this game again after so long is a bit jarring. The intro doesn’t look as good as I remember it I’ll confess. Donkey Kong Country did have a different look to it than other games at the time. But hearing Cranky playing that song again and DK dropping that boom box for some ape free-styling, brought back the 90’s for me. The soundtrack to this game still holds up too. I was humming away during the first water level, that tranquil song as relaxing as ever. All was going well playing this game. I got acclimatised to the rolling then mid air jumping again. Which is needed for later levels as some collectables are way below the land you’re standing on. Then I got to the first mine cart level. Wow, the pressure. My heart was racing. I went from 20 lives to 8 in just a few minutes. The thrill of those sections is still in this game after all these years. After completing that section I had to save and switch off the SNES Mini.

I had great fun with my short time on the SNES Mini and am eagerly looking forward to sinking my teeth into its catalogue of classics.

A Day In The Life: Stardew Valley

I’ve been playing Stardew Valley A LOT lately.  Currently clocked in at just over 55 hours on the PS4 version. My fiancée is around 25 hours on Steam. We’ve spent many nights lately swapping farming knowledge and advice whilst both on the same couch watching different screens. It’s a great game. Recently I passed the 1 year mark and so I thought I’d just assess how far I’ve come since arriving on my abandoned farm all those hours ago.

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Well that flew by

For anyone reading who doesn’t know what Stardew Valley is, it’s a farming game essentially. Your character acquires a farm from a relative, you quit your job and get on a bus to your new home. When, you arrive the town mayor shows you to the farm that you now own. It is littered with weeds, overgrown grass, trees and rocks everywhere. You get given some money, some seeds, gardening tools and that’s it. You get advised to go into town and talk to the townsfolk and visit the local shop but what you do next it up to you. Farming is the core component but fishing, mining, exploring, foraging, socialising with the locals and doing up an old town hall through item gathering are all available at your leisure.  It’s an easy to grasp but loads to find out and learn along the way type game. As you progress and do more things, your character will upgrade and improve in areas as well as be able to build new features for your farm. Each year in the game is split up into 4 months which represent the 4 seasons. When you arrive on your farm, it’s the 1st of Spring. A month consists of 28 days and each month has certain produce that can only grow in that month, seasonal fish to catch and a bunch of other season only events.  There is tremendous depth to this game which I’m sure I’ll cover in a review in the future but right now I’m nowhere near done with this game. So for now, here’s an average day for farmer Rudiger on Kraken farm.

Journal Entry: Saturday 13th, Summer, My 2nd Year

I woke up nice and early this morning at 6am. I usually do that anyway but I’ve got a bumper of crops I need to pluck from the soil today. Been waiting for my melons to grow and now they should be perfectly ripe and plump. I get out of bed and say hello to my baby girl Sarah, who’s up already and crawling across the bedroom floor happily.  Must be nice to not have a care in the world at that age. I see my beloved wife Abigail by the cooker and we chat about the time we beat a level on Journey to the Prairie King. A video game Abigail was struggling on last year. It was one of the first times we spent time alone together and it was also a moment of connection for us both. Looking back at it, that might be the moment I knew I cared for her that way. She was always endearing. The way she’d eat flowers that I gave to her as a gift, I always found that peculiar but intriguing. That and the fact she’s a gaming girl sealed the deal and we got married.  Happy to this day I might add.

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I’ve got a lovely bunch melons! Here they are just growing in a row!

I kiss her goodbye and head into the cellar. I recently stocked up some casks with goat cheese and cow dairy cheese. None of them have matured enough yet to sell so I’ll come back again tomorrow. As I leave my house I can hear the distinct sound of rain as I exit my sleepy haze. The door opens and I am immediately hit by that earthy smell of wet soil. I should trust the weather forecasts more, I could have got an extra hour in bed. The crops are watered by nature today. That saves me a job this morning. Scanning my field I see that my melons are glistening in the rain. Ripe, beautiful colour and ready for harvesting. I pluck them from the moist earth and examine their quality. 5 are immaculate. I’ll use these for making melon wine once my kegs are free. I promised Penny if I grew any melons I’d bring her one as they’re her favourite fruit. So I keep 1 aside, plus the 5 perfect melons and I put the rest in the shipping bin. Those will be collected in the night and I’ll wake up to find my wallet has grown fatter. Easy-peasy. I venture over to my coop and check up on my little guys. Not a bad haul, 4 eggs and a loose duck feather. Feathers fetch a pretty penny so I’ll sell this along with my 2 dinosaur eggs and then I’ll make mayonnaise out of the remaining eggs. I pop over to my barn and say hello to my gang of misfits. My goats aren’t producing milk today but my 2 cows: Meryl and Mary are prime for milking. I’ll use this milk to make some fine cheese later. Nearly done for the morning, the greenhouse is the last to do on my land. I enter the greenhouse and my flowers have started blooming. A radiant blue colour. I take them from the soil and collect the rest of the crops. A lot of coffee beans were picked today, those will sell well tonight. I head back to my house and use my mayonnaise and cheese press machines. Those’ll be ready by the time I get back.

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I’m sure you’re dying to know, so my animal names: Chickens- Chilly, Chuckles, Clucky/ Ducks- Quackers,Bill (GET IT!?)/ Rabbit- Thumper / Dinosaurs- Lizzie, Scales/ Cows- Meryl, Mary     Sheep- Baaaabara/ Goats- Kicky, Lulu, Berty

I jump aboard my loyal steed Clip-Clop and we head into town! When we get there I check the local calendar for events. It’s Alex’s birthday today! I’ll pop in to his and give him a present. Before I can even get through the door, the delicious aroma of baked goods come flooding up my nostrils. As if in a daze, I go to the kitchen like a zombie. I find Evelyn there. She tells me she’s happy to see me and that she’s just baked a fresh batch of her famous cookies. Try one, she says. Oh my god! They’re the best things since sliced bread. Crumbly but with gooey chocolate. Evelyn also gave me the recipe to make them myself. I was a bit taken back by this. In the beginning, when I first arrived to town, she told me that maybe 1 day she’d tell me her secret recipe. I guess she trusts me to have it now. Savouring that treat, I headed to Alex’s room.

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I’m selling this recipe on eBay, Granny

I should knock before entering rooms. He was lifting weights. Shirtless. He didn’t seem awkward about it but I felt wrong for just barging in. But he apologised to me. I wasn’t expecting that. He explained that he spoke a bit harshly to me about his American football dreams in the past and that he regretted it. That he just gets defensive about what he cares about. He had no need to apologise to me but I’m honoured that he did. Before I go I wish him happy birthday and give him one of the flowers I plucked earlier. He smiles and thanks me and I go to leave. Walking past the kitchen I give Evelyn one of the flowers too. She’s delighted by it. They’re a nice family, even George, though he can be a bit cranky at times but I think that’s a façade. I look at the time and see that it’s later than I thought.

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I could take mine off if that’d make you feel better. Want tickets to the gun show?

I jump aboard Clip-Clop and we head to Clint’s Blacksmiths.  I was in the mines yesterday and found a large stash of geodes. I ask Clint to crack them open for me. I pay him his usual rate and he gives me the hidden treasures. Not a bad deal. I got some precious minerals to keep for later. I got 2 things that I’ll donate to Gunther at the museum and I got some precious Iridium. This rare ore is what I’ve been searching for lately. Difficult to find and guarded by monsters but at least I’ve got enough now to smelt a bar out of it. I drop off my 2 rare finds to Gunther at the museum, which he thanks me for and away I go to the beach. When, I get to the beach I go to the shoreline to investigate my crab pots. Not lucky today. Mostly rubbish and soggy newspaper. Still, worth a go though so I put some bait in the pots and I’ll see what I catch tomorrow.

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I see that I have 1 flower left and so I decide to see how Jodi and the kids are doing.  Sam and Vincent are playing games and watching TV, I hand  the kids some coral I found at the beach. Boys love that kind of stuff! Their mum is doing dishes in the kitchen and I hand her the flower. Her face lights up and she thanks me for it. I check the time and see I’m behind schedule. I bid farewell and quickly dash for the door.

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It’s nice to be nice in this game. Comes with perks too, like recipes and gifts

I race to the bus depot to catch the last departure but I’m too late. I see Pam walking by me, no doubt on her way to the Saloon for a refreshing drink. Well that’s me not going to the Skull Cavern today. I was hoping to find more of that Iridium but maybe tomorrow instead. I decide to head back home and tie up any loose ends for the night. My darling Abigail has made me some soup which I’ll save for tomorrows expedition. My cheeses are ready from this morning and smelling good. I take them down to my cellar and stick them in a cask to age for a week or 2. My mayonnaise is ready too so I stick that in my shipping box along with the mussels I found at the beach.

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The clock is ticking but the night is still young. I can’t go on the bus but I can go to the local mine instead. I’m running low on bait for my crab pots and the bugs in the mines make excellent bait for fish. So I jump on Clip-Clop and we head to the dark and gloomy mines. Along the way I find some juicy grapes and realise I’ve not seen Linus for a while. He lives in a tent on the outskirts of town and I hardly come this way anymore. It’d be nice to see him to I poke my head into his tent and there he is. We have a brief talk and I give him the grapes. He’s kind as always and likes the grapes. He lives the foraging lifestyle anyway so I’m sure he appreciates the gesture and visit, especially given how isolated he is up here. We say our goodbyes and I venture into the mines.

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Not too deep as the bugs tend to hand around the early floors. I’m not at it long when I realise it’s past 10pm.  I’ve got to be up at 6am tomorrow so time to call it a night, leave the mines and head back home.

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Precious bug meat!

Once home I use the bug meat I found and use it to create some bait. That should do me a while now. I also see that some of my kegs are ready, so I take the wine from them and put my melons from this morning into them. I’m looking forward to trying some of that melon wine but for now, I’ll leave it to soak and ferment. Didn’t accomplish all that I wanted to today but it was nice having time to see people and to hear about their day. Tomorrow will be a busy day and I definitely need to get to the Skull Cavern at some point soon. But for now that is all. I’m going to go put all my stuff away for the day and get into bed. Until next time, Diary.

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I hope you enjoyed this look into what Stardew Valley has to offer and it’s different gameplay elements. This is just my playthrough too. You could specialize in crops, in fishing, you could have loads of barns full of cows and be a dairy farmer. I did a stint where I was producing tons of coffee and riding into town handing out fried eggs. There is so much to do and it’s interesting to see the growth over time. You may see another day in Year 3 at some point. But for now, take care.