Hi there! Are you tired of over grown lizards stealing your princess? Kicked down too many castle doors and told your princess is in another castle? You need to call us, the MKS (Mushroom Kingdom Security)! Call now on 1800-123-MKS and quote the code ‘Princess’ to get 20% off our Protected Princess package. This package includes all the premium gear you’ll ever need to keep your damsel in distress, just a damsel. The following features will be provided and installed by yours truly:
- Warp Pipes: With these green beauties that pesky Bowser won’t get too far with your beloved. We install a hub room in the confines of your castle that is JAM-PACKED with warp pipes to across the land. Now when Bowser and your ravishing maiden are half way to his fiery castle, you just hop in a warp pipe for the end of World 7 and wait for the blundering fool to appear. Quick, efficient, and you and your highness will be back in the throne room before Luigi even notices.
- Power Up Pack x 10: You ever been up a creak without a frog suit before? Not any more! With our patented Power Up Pack’s that Super Mushroom is just tap away. In our PP package you don’t just get 1 of these, nor 5 but 10! You read that right, I said, 10! Before you set off for your rescue mission, slap one of these to your plumbers belt. Then, when that annoying red shell as taken away your power up, just slap the PP pack and BOOM! An explosion of upgrades will burst forth in front of you. Super Mushroom, Fire Flower, Super Star, Tanooki Suit, Penguin Suit, Cat Suit and more. We’ve got them all. Even the ones that weren’t in your World till now, we scoured the Mushroom Kingdom so you don’t have to.
- Chomps: The best offence is the best defence. And here at MKS we do offer the very best of both. Now tell me if this rings a bell. You go to rescue your silken haired beloved but before your very eyes, is a raging black ball of teeth that’d tear you up faster than a Wiggler unwrapping Christmas day’s 8 pair pack of socks, from Grandma Wiggler. The only thing keeping this untamed sphere of fury off your face is the chain that secures it. Now what if we flipped the script on that Godzilla wannabe and fight fire with even hotter fire. Buy our pack today and we’ll place a Chain Chomp in each of your strongholds rooms. But we don’t stop there. We place a Chain Chomp to cover every 10 metres of your buildings exterior. We supply you with the biggest deterrent of the Mushroom Kingdom for your own home. Now you may be thinking ‘MKS are you crazy!? Why would I want these vicious atrocities in every room of my stronghold?’. No need to fret, friend. We hand raise these Chain Chomp’s ourselves in a secure location in The Forest of Illusion. These boys don’t bite the hand that feeds them and you’ll be surprised at how loyal they can be. Heck, you can even get rid of the Chain and just have your own personally Chomp rolling around your room. Your own personal guard Chomp.
- Toad Camp: Now we’re being too kind. Do you ever wish you could have some help with protecting your Princess. That lanky brother of yours always crying about ghosts and cowering with fear when that repugnant, reptile face shows up. You wish those Toads would step up and stop telling you to go save the Princess. Wish they would do it themselves? Me too, friend. That’s why we offer to take your castle’s Toads for a vigorous, strenuous and absolutely stupendous 2 month training exercise. This 60 day course will push your Toads to the limit. Strength, speed and jumping will be improved like you wouldn’t believe. Turning your Toads from a bunch of Fun-guys to Toad-al beefcakes.
- Star Juice Vial x 15: Marioooooooooo! She shouts, as Bowser snatches her away in his ugly, dulled claws. With our PP pack this will be a thing of the past. And if that sneaky reptile does manage to grab your princess on a social outing somehow. Possibly when playing tennis or go-karting. Your royal leader will be fully prepared. Our Star Juice is 100% freshly squeezed and organic. We only use the brightest and shiniest Super Star’s. We condense that energy into a little vial that comes with a necklace that is personally tailored for your fair lady. When Bowser grabs the soon to be queen, she pops the vial from her necklace and drinks the Star Juice. The beat down that Bowser will receive will be like none before. He’ll think twice before trying to turn your princess into a helpless captive. Girl Power!
If this all sounds too good to be true then pinch yourself and see if you’re dreaming. I’ll let in you in on a little secret. You’re not. For just 999 coins this bargain can be yours. Call now on 1800-123-MKS and quote ‘Princess’ for your exclusive saving. Put up and your feet and let us do the rest.
MKS- Securing the Mushroom Kingdom, so you don’t have to.
MKS isn’t liable for any damages to you, your princess or your castle if our packages are used inappropriately. It is not advised to release your Chain Chomps from their chains unless you individually, have received the full Chain Chomp release training provided by the MK Government. MKS is not liable to pay for any injuries sustained at the Toad Camp or Toad misplacement. All our products have been tested and approved by the MK Regulations Act of 1976. MKS is a Mushroom Kingdom sanctioned public trading company and is fully covered by the MK Trading Standard Act of 1984.